Black Veil Brides-Knives and Pens

Alone at last we can sin and fight.
And I've lost all faith in this blurring light,
(Stay right here we can change our plight.
Storming through this despite what's right.)

One final fight for this tonight.
Whoa-oh-oh
With knives and pens we made our plight.

Lay your heart down, the end's in sight.
Conscience begs for you to do what's right.
(Everyday it's still the same dull knife,
Stab right through and justify your pride.)

One final fight for this tonight.
Whoa-oh-oh
With knives and pens we made our plight.
Whoa-oh-oh

Well I can't go on without your love that you lost, you never held on.
(We tried our best. Turn out the light. Turn out the light!)

One final fight for this tonight.
Whoa-oh-oh
With knives and pens we made our plight.
Whoa-oh-oh

Well I can't go on without your love that you lost, you never held on.
(We tried our best. Turn out the light. Turn out the light!)

I just recently finished A Boy Called It(child abuse), and it strongly reminded me of A Million Little Pieces(drug abuse).  However, A Boy Called It was labeled nonfiction, while A Million Little Pieces was classified as fiction.  I understand why it is fiction, as the author exaggerated a lot even though it was based on his own personal experience.  For example, he only got one or two teeth fixed without drugs to alleviate the pain, but in his book, he described this scene so gruesomely that I felt like I had a horrible toothache.  

Therefore, I think A Boy Called It should also be placed under fiction.  Though it is also based on a true story, I feel that parts of it are exaggerate.  I understand that it was probably traumatizing him, and that it was brave of him and necessary to write this book to spread awareness about the severity of child abuse.  However, the extent of the abuse seems excessive, and the whole book was about the abuse he suffered rather than trying to explain his mother's behavior or even introduce her as a character.  

After I finished the first book, I was frustrated that it was placed under nonfiction, and looked up the author.  There are many criticisms of him, calling him a child-abuse entrepreneur, even coining the term "Pelzermania".  Some say that as Pelzer progressed from the first book to the third book, he vilifies his mother more and more and his abuse becomes even more gory, so I am currently reading the second book, The Lost Boy.  

Sylosis-Blind Desperation

Fall into this nightmare we've built

Ripping ourselves from within

With a desperate cry

With the taste of sweat on my tongue

(Blind!)

Blind from this state that we're in

Blinded like moths to the flame

With a desperate cry

With the taste of fears we create

Failure!

Learn! 

Driven by what we achieve

Draining ourselves from within

And a desperate cry

From the promise of starting again

Die! 

Broken from where we have failed

Never returning again

With a desperate cry

With the sense of a life thrown away

In this fire we burn

Back to the light we return

I hear the dying screams

I sense the end is near

With a final exhalation

My soul is reborn in fire

This fire will burn

In this fire we'll burn

A sense of life is thrown away

We learn to fall and run away

A sense of life is thrown away

In this fire we'll burn

In this fire we'll burn

Back to the light we return

When people are desperate, it is easier to manipulate them.  In Hamlet, for example, Claudius was able to use Laertes in his plot to kill Hamlet, as Laertes was desperate for revenge after his father's and sister's deaths.  It was perfect for Claudius, who wanted to get rid of Hamlet without dirtying his own hands.  

When people are desperate, they are willing to do many things that they normally wouldn't, and even if they know they will regret their actions.  

Alien Huang-Forgetting How to Be Happy

The echoing of loneliness opens the door of a warm family home
The echoing of loneliness opens the door of a warm family home
There are some people who are optimistic and seem perpetually happy and confident.  I'm not one of those people.  In fact, a psychology test I took stated that I was a pessimistic introvert.  Not the best combination if you want to live happily and worry-free.  

What is a life full of happines

I use my strength to be reborn

I have no power to go back to my past

All that is left is my pride and determination that helps me carry on

Maybe its my task

That chases me, forcing me to give up on life

What the hell am I doing, freedom was never left to those who walked with their heads down

We all have forgotten how to be happy

The obstacles that caused us to suffer-our own lives

Perhaps you are too focused

And have lost this competition

Because life is only a journey that lasts a few decades

We have all forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Allowing ourselves to be complete

So don't be too unkind, letting your heart suffer

Enclosed in a lonely

Lonelier than the loneliest spirit

Ambiguous night devils saved a person

To go forward or backwards, a cute atmosphere

Maybe its my task

That chases me, forcing me to give up on life

What the hell am I doing, freedom was never left to those who walked with their heads down

We all have forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Let myself be complete

Don't be too harsh, let your heart be alone

Stuck in a lonely

My spirit is lonely as the most lonely

I'm no longer one person 

Deeming life as silly gives me a million possibilities

But I must admit happiness won't come by itself

You gave it to me

We all have forgotten how to be happy

The obstacles that caused us to suffer-our own lives

Perhaps you are too focused

And have lost this competition

Because life is only a journey that lasts a few decades

We have all forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Allowing ourselves to be complete

So don't be too unkind, letting your heart suffer

Enclosed in a lonely

Lonelier than the loneliest spirit

"For some of us, our main goal in life is happiness.  For some others, it's just to make the pain stop".-David Theriault

This quote really affected me, because I love to read depressing and gory stories--looking at the book titles I choose, it's pretty obvious: A Million Little Pieces, Don't Make Me Stop Now, The Year of Endless Sorrows, Like Being Killed, Go Ask Alice.....the list goes on and on.  (I'm not recommending any of these books here, just stating that I'm attracted to less-than-happy book titles).  

Sometimes I feel like there's no point in life, and it's just a waste of effort.  I'm not suicidal though, since there's no point in committing suicide unless you want people to cry...and I don't. Sometimes I wonder why God created the human race, since all we ever seem to do is ruin the world and dramatize everything else.  What is the larger purpose of us as a race?  Or as individuals?  

G-Dragon-Crooked

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

I scream and get dizzy
I vent out of boredom to other couples
I start fights for no reason like a town gangster
Sometimes, I purposely shake my leg, crookedly
The main characters of the movie called this world is you and me
A lonely island, lost and wandering
The empty streets are filled with those who are alone
Unlike my heart, the weather is so damn nice

I used to believe in you and I was happy
But like a joke, I am left alone
You used to promise me with your pinky finger
But in the end

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

I'll put on thick eyeliner, use a whole can of hairspray
Leather pants, leather jacket with a frown
I want to hide my pain and become even more crooked
So you can feel sorry, I’ll spit toward the sky
You’re scared of my crude words and my rough eyes
But actually, I’m afraid, I want to go back but I have nowhere to go
I want to love but no one to love, what am I supposed to do?
I can’t turn it back

I used to believe in you alone and I was happy
But like a joke, I am left alone
You used to promise me with your pinky finger
But in the end

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Will you not say anything for me tonight?
I didn’t know being alone would be this hard (I miss you)
Will you be my friend tonight?
On this good day, this beautiful day, this day where I miss you
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

"And it never even occurs to them their certainty that they are different is what makes them the same".  This quote from Brief Interviews With Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace really got me, especially with college applications coming up.  I'm still working on my personal statements, and the advice I often see and hear is to be unique and try to stand out from the rest of the group.  And that, my friend, is very hard to do.   

Many times, I catch myself feeling above everyone else.  No, I don't mean that I'm better than everyone else, but I that sometimes I feel like I can observe them in a sort of omnipotent way.  

I have been really stressed out about college applications lately, especially about letters of recommendation and my essays.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to show my individualism.  Of course, all this fear is just a mindset, and to get rid of it, all I have to do is be crooked and think differently.

Jason & The Long Road To Love-Pray For You

I haven't been to church since I don't remember when

Things were goin' great 'til they fell apart again

So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do

He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you

Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn

Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you

I'm really glad I found my way to church

'Cause I'm already feelin' better and I thank God for the words

Yeah I'm goin' take the high road

And do what the preacher told me to do

You keep messin' up and I'll keep prayin' for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110

I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,

wherever you are honey, I pray for you.

I pray for you

I have been reading Hamlet recently, and for those of you who have not already read the book, Hamlet is more of an analyst and as a prince, he is careful and clever.  Even though Hamlet knows that his uncle killed his father and married his mother, he waits for the perfect time to seek his revenge.  Rather than rashly going to murder his uncle for his greed and villainy, Hamlet patiently waits to drive out the snake in the end.  

In this song, he is using a holy method (praying) to cover up and excuse his malicious thoughts and intents.  Hamlet's uncle, Claudius, may have done something completely unmoral and corrupt, but Hamlet understands that he should first be subtle about this new knowledge before actually acting on it.


This relates to our daily life; even if you are frustrated or angry, it doesn't mean that rash behavior is acceptable.  Sometimes we have to step back a bit and not act on our emotions immediately.  It's okay to dislike someone and wish that karma ruins them, but there's no need to physically harm them in any way.  Mentally attacking them is better than physically attacking them (though by no means am I telling you to curse everyone who you dislike...).   As the lyrics say "Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn", we have to realize that other people might not be having a good day, so we can't just automatically classify them as rude or mean or disgusting, and then condemn them.  And besides, thinking about the evil ways you can get back at them will brighten up your mood without actually doing anything to them.  

Linkin Park-Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know 
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Everyone has someone's expectations piled on them, be it a parent, a teacher, or themselves.  This is caused mostly by competition, peer pressure, and the struggle for a sense of belonging.  

For me, my sister was considered the genius in the family.  I remember how she was always playing games on the computer, but somehow always received A's in every single class she took.  And she took more AP classes than me (I'm taking five AP tests this year).  All of the parents knew her to be smart, polite, and overall a good girl with a rebellious younger sister.  Now, she's in UCSD for her fourth year, even though she could have graduated in three.  The only B she ever received was because she slept in and skipped classes too much.  

My mother says it'll be difficult to enter even UCSD with my grades.  Even though I know it's true, it still hurts.  It's not like I didn't put any effort into school (though I am somewhat of a gamer...)  I still study for tests and do my homework, but I haven't gotten straight A's since middle school.  My parents have basically given up on me, though they try to hide it by saying that there are plenty of colleges that will accept me based on my high SAT and AP scores.

Most people underestimate their own abilities. They tend to remember their failures more vividly than their successes, and for this reason they have unrealistically low expectations about what they are capable of. Those individuals who distinguish themselves through great accomplishments are usually no more talented than the average person: they simply set higher standards for themselves, since they have higher expectations about what they can do.

It reminds me of an essay prompt that I've been given before (the one posted below is different but similar enough): 

Assignment:

Do highly accomplished people achieve more than others mainly because they expect more of themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.


What do you think? Do high expectations allow people to soar higher and accomplish more, or is it a cause of a higher chance of depression?

G Dragon-That XX

Walking on the street, I bumped into your man (Yeah I saw him)

I didn't want to believe it, but my hunch turned out right (I told you)

He’s not wearing that ring you gave him, there’s another girl by his side

But I've said enough (I don’t wanna hurt you)

Now you’re getting angry with me (Why?)

You say “He’s definitely not that kind of person” (Sure you’re right)

Seeing your eyes, I reply that I probably got it wrong

See, I lied for you (I’m sorry)

I hate that you don’t understand me

I hate all this waiting

Let go of his hand (break it off with him)

When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

When you speak of him, you look so happy (you look happy)

It’s good that you can be this happy (I’m happy)

You say you really love him, want to be with him forever

You trust him completely (I don’t know what to say no more)


Your friends all know that guy (yup they know)

It’s so obvious, why can’t you see (it’s you)

They say love is blind, Oh baby, you’re so blind

Please, I beg you, break it off

Oh I hate that you don’t understand me

I hate all this waiting
Let go of his hand (break it off with him)

When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

(Rap)Expensive cars, beautiful clothes, high-class restaurants, they all suit you well

But that XX beside you, he doesn't suit you, he really doesn't

He smiles like a hypocrite with you, brushing your face and hair

But he’s thinking of another woman for sure, how dare he

The amount of tears you've cried, I want to make you happy by the same amount, baby

Rather than going through the pain alone, share some with me, baby

Please look at me, why can’t you realize that I am your love

Why are you the only one who doesn't know

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

That XX is basically the censored form for that bastard.   I don't really know why reading Othello by Shakespeare made me think of this song.  The only plausible reason is probably because my brain screams "bastard" when Iago 's scheming behind his "friends'" backs.  It's not much of a reason, but I guess it's good enough.  Especially if there turns out to be more parallels between That XX and Othello than I first expected.  

If put into Othello, That XX would be sung by Othello himself.  He would be mourning the loss of Desdemona's love, who he believes to be cheating with Cassio, his lieutenant.  Cassio, on the other hand, turns to prostitutes such as Bianca, who happens to love Cassio.  He, however, laughs at her affection and merrily speaks about her with Iago, without thinking too seriously about their future.  

Othello doesn't want to believe that the chaste Desdemona would cheat on him with Cassio, but justifies his beliefs with Iago's words and the fact that the handkerchief he had given Desdemona as a gift was seen in Cassio's hands.  In addition, he thought Cassio was laughing about Desdemona with Iago, though he was actually laughing about Bianca.  The lieutenant's actions show that he doesn't really love Bianca (or in Othello's eyes, Desdemona) and that he is just playing around.  

After Cassio falls from the position of lieutenant, Desdemona often mentions his name in Othello's vicinity, hoping to help her loyal friend.  Othello, however, mistakes that to be caused by her love to Cassio and is furious.  He slaps Desdemona and causes her to cry, deaf to her pleas of innocence.  If he had only listened to her confessions, he would have realized that she was not cheating on him.