B.A.P-1004 Angel

You’re like an angel, who has left me and gone somewhere
I need you

I don’t know how I’m living
After you left me, I’m going crazy
Every day, every night
I can’t even sleep
I’m all alone, drinking away, cry

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every day)
I can still hear your voice
Come back to me (I don’t have anyone) Come back to my side (but you)
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

Look at me now
Come to me now
(Come back to me, how am I supposed to live?)
Look at me now
Come to me now
(How am I supposed to live without you every day?)

I didn’t know you would really leave me
You were like an angel
Why am I such a good-for-nothing?

Oh no, you have turned away from me
I’m a fool who has lost you
I’m like a beggar
I can’t do anything without you

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every day)
My wasted self is so pitiful
Hug me (I don’t have anyone) Embrace me (but you)
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

It’s like I’m so out of it
I’m so blank every day
After you left, I’ve become ruined
Come back to me, I only had you

Hurry and save me
Stop, please don’t go far from me (don’t leave)
Never let you go

I want to find you
Where, where, where am I going?
To the place where you are
A better day, a better day, a better day
You’re like an angel

The reason I live is you
I don’t think I can see you anymore, I think I’m really dying
The person to love me is you
Shine on me in the darkness

Look at me now
Come to me now
(Come back to me, how am I supposed to live?)
Look at me now
Come to me now
(How am I supposed to live without you every day?)

What really struck me the other day was how easy it was to delete history.  No, I don’t mean that you can travel back in time and change, say, the outcome of the French and Indian War.  What I mean is the history in your computer.

            Technically, you can argue that it isn’t “deleting” history so much as “concealing” it.  But that’s not what I was thinking about either.

            Many people have asked me over the years, “What would you change if you could go back in time?”  Usually, I’d just shrug it off with a simple response: “I don’t know”.  If I was feeling feisty, maybe I’d say something along the lines of, “Your birth”.  However, I’ve never really thought into this question.

            I remember a comic that I stopped reading after perhaps the first chapter.  It wasn’t so much boring as that it didn’t really interest me.  Maybe that means the same thing, but it doesn’t really matter right now.

            Anyways, the story plot went something like this: A man paid money to go on a tour back to the dinosaur ages to hunt a dinosaur.  However, after seeing the dinosaur crashing around in the forest, he became too scared and decided to back out.  The other men went to hunt the dinosaur, and the tour guide warned the man to stay on the path that had been carved out by the company.  However, the man accidentally stepped off the path and onto a butterfly.  When the crew returned home, they were shocked to discover how changed their time was.  Their surroundings had changed, and even the English they perceived was broken, with plenty of grammatical and spelling errors.  All because of the death of a small, seemingly insignificant butterfly.   

"The fluttering of a butterfly's wings can effect climate changes on the other side of the planet." - Paul Ehrlich

2NE1-Ugly

I'm trying to smile brightly but

I don't like it

I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful

Oh oh oh oh x 2

I'm trying to sing but

No one is listening

I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful

Oh oh oh oh x 2

 Why am I this ugly

What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?

I'm getting angry again, why can't I ever be perfect

I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror

Don't look at me, I hate this feeling right now

I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape

This world is full of lies

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty

Don't lie to my face tellin' me I'm pretty

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty

Don't lie to my face cuz I know I'm ugly

Don't tell me that you can understand me so easily

My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you

Don't force me to talk, I'm not right for you

The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me

Don't come closer, I don't even want your concern

I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out

This world is full of lies

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty

Don't lie to my face tellin' me I'm pretty

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty

Don't lie to my face cuz I know I'm ugly

All alone

I'm all alone x 2

There is no such thing as warmth

There is no one by my side

All alone

I'm all alone x 2

I'm always alone

There's no such thing as warmth

Next to my side, there's not even anyone to embrace me

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety

Don't lie to my face tellin' me I'm pretty

I think I'm ugly

And nobody wants to love me

Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty

Don't lie to my face cuz I know I'm ugly

I watched this video and absolutely fell in love with Lizzie Velasquez's strength and realized how motivational she is. "I've had a really difficult life, but that's OK," she said.  "I'm going to let my goals and my success and my accomplishments define me, not my outer appearance."  In today's society, many people define beauty simply by looking at people's physical appearance.  Many websites, videos, blogs, et. cetera are dedicated to help people become "pretty" by teaching them ways to apply makeup, dress their hair, or recreate nail designs.  In addition, plastic surgery is common among celebrities and therefore in the news, so it is no longer as controversial as it once was.  

However, people focus so much on physical appearance that they ignore the flaws in their personality and what's inside.  Changing their perspectives of beauty is important, as it would help them to accept what nature endowed them with and focus on self-betterment. 

G-Dragon-Crooked

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

I scream and get dizzy
I vent out of boredom to other couples
I start fights for no reason like a town gangster
Sometimes, I purposely shake my leg, crookedly
The main characters of the movie called this world is you and me
A lonely island, lost and wandering
The empty streets are filled with those who are alone
Unlike my heart, the weather is so damn nice

I used to believe in you and I was happy
But like a joke, I am left alone
You used to promise me with your pinky finger
But in the end

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

I'll put on thick eyeliner, use a whole can of hairspray
Leather pants, leather jacket with a frown
I want to hide my pain and become even more crooked
So you can feel sorry, I’ll spit toward the sky
You’re scared of my crude words and my rough eyes
But actually, I’m afraid, I want to go back but I have nowhere to go
I want to love but no one to love, what am I supposed to do?
I can’t turn it back

I used to believe in you alone and I was happy
But like a joke, I am left alone
You used to promise me with your pinky finger
But in the end

Nothing ever lasts forever
In the end, you changed
There is no reason, no sincerity
Take away such a thing as love
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Leave me alone
I was alone anyway
I have no one, everything is meaningless
Take away the sugar-coated comfort
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

Will you not say anything for me tonight?
I didn’t know being alone would be this hard (I miss you)
Will you be my friend tonight?
On this good day, this beautiful day, this day where I miss you
Tonight, I’ll be crooked

"And it never even occurs to them their certainty that they are different is what makes them the same".  This quote from Brief Interviews With Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace really got me, especially with college applications coming up.  I'm still working on my personal statements, and the advice I often see and hear is to be unique and try to stand out from the rest of the group.  And that, my friend, is very hard to do.   

Many times, I catch myself feeling above everyone else.  No, I don't mean that I'm better than everyone else, but I that sometimes I feel like I can observe them in a sort of omnipotent way.  

I have been really stressed out about college applications lately, especially about letters of recommendation and my essays.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to show my individualism.  Of course, all this fear is just a mindset, and to get rid of it, all I have to do is be crooked and think differently.

G Dragon-That XX

Walking on the street, I bumped into your man (Yeah I saw him)

I didn't want to believe it, but my hunch turned out right (I told you)

He’s not wearing that ring you gave him, there’s another girl by his side

But I've said enough (I don’t wanna hurt you)

Now you’re getting angry with me (Why?)

You say “He’s definitely not that kind of person” (Sure you’re right)

Seeing your eyes, I reply that I probably got it wrong

See, I lied for you (I’m sorry)

I hate that you don’t understand me

I hate all this waiting

Let go of his hand (break it off with him)

When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

When you speak of him, you look so happy (you look happy)

It’s good that you can be this happy (I’m happy)

You say you really love him, want to be with him forever

You trust him completely (I don’t know what to say no more)


Your friends all know that guy (yup they know)

It’s so obvious, why can’t you see (it’s you)

They say love is blind, Oh baby, you’re so blind

Please, I beg you, break it off

Oh I hate that you don’t understand me

I hate all this waiting
Let go of his hand (break it off with him)

When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

(Rap)Expensive cars, beautiful clothes, high-class restaurants, they all suit you well

But that XX beside you, he doesn't suit you, he really doesn't

He smiles like a hypocrite with you, brushing your face and hair

But he’s thinking of another woman for sure, how dare he

The amount of tears you've cried, I want to make you happy by the same amount, baby

Rather than going through the pain alone, share some with me, baby

Please look at me, why can’t you realize that I am your love

Why are you the only one who doesn't know

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

That XX, what does he have that I don’t

Why can’t I have you

That XX doesn't love you

How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

That XX is basically the censored form for that bastard.   I don't really know why reading Othello by Shakespeare made me think of this song.  The only plausible reason is probably because my brain screams "bastard" when Iago 's scheming behind his "friends'" backs.  It's not much of a reason, but I guess it's good enough.  Especially if there turns out to be more parallels between That XX and Othello than I first expected.  

If put into Othello, That XX would be sung by Othello himself.  He would be mourning the loss of Desdemona's love, who he believes to be cheating with Cassio, his lieutenant.  Cassio, on the other hand, turns to prostitutes such as Bianca, who happens to love Cassio.  He, however, laughs at her affection and merrily speaks about her with Iago, without thinking too seriously about their future.  

Othello doesn't want to believe that the chaste Desdemona would cheat on him with Cassio, but justifies his beliefs with Iago's words and the fact that the handkerchief he had given Desdemona as a gift was seen in Cassio's hands.  In addition, he thought Cassio was laughing about Desdemona with Iago, though he was actually laughing about Bianca.  The lieutenant's actions show that he doesn't really love Bianca (or in Othello's eyes, Desdemona) and that he is just playing around.  

After Cassio falls from the position of lieutenant, Desdemona often mentions his name in Othello's vicinity, hoping to help her loyal friend.  Othello, however, mistakes that to be caused by her love to Cassio and is furious.  He slaps Desdemona and causes her to cry, deaf to her pleas of innocence.  If he had only listened to her confessions, he would have realized that she was not cheating on him.  

BTS-N.O.

A good house, a good car, will these things bring happiness?

In Seoul to the SKY, will parents really be happy?

Dreams disappeared, there was no time to rest

It’s a cycle of school, home or an Internet cafe

Everyone lives the same life

Students who are pressured to be number one live in between dreams and reality

Who is the one who made us into studying machines?

They classify us to either being number one or dropping out

They trap us in borders, the adults

There’s no choice but to consent

Even if we think simply, it’s the survival of the fittest

Who do you think is the one who makes us step on even our close friends to climb up? What?

Adults tell me that hardships are only momentary

To endure a little more, to do it later

Everybody say NO!

It can’t be any later

Don’t be trapped in someone else’s dream

We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll

Everybody say NO!

It has to be now or never

We still haven’t done anything

We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll

Everybody say NO!

A good house, a good car, will these things bring happiness?

In Seoul to the SKY, will parents really be happy?

I want to play and eat, I want to tear my uniform

Make money, good money, but they already view me crookedly

My obscure bank account, my unhappiness is past its limit

A factory of sighs while studying, a continuous cycle

The grown-ups confess that we have it so easy

They say that we are happier than our portion

Then how do you explain my unhappiness?

There’s no conversation topics beside studying

Outside, there are so many kids like me, living the life of a puppet

Who will take responsibility?

Adults tell me that hardships are only momentary

To endure a little more, to do it later

Everybody say NO!

It can’t be any later

Don’t be trapped in someone else’s dream

We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll

Everybody say NO!

It has to be now or never

We still haven’t done anything

We roll (We roll) We roll (We roll) We roll

Everybody say NO!

Everybody say NO!

Everybody say NO!

Everybody say NO!

Everybody say NO!

Today in class, we were discussing how schools have gradually evolved to cover up students' creativity, and I was reminded of this song.  The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory: the school system, along with parents affected by it, has caused students to lose individuality and character.   

Creativity is now hard for students, and when teachers give them a project and ask them to have fun with it and be creative, they draw blank stares.  I know I for one have difficulty with those projects, because I feel like it gives us more pressure to impress the teacher.  But, that's not what creativity is all about.  Creativity is about letting go of your inhibitions--screw society's boundaries.   My best projects were created without a grade in mind, just the motivation to make my creation look aesthetically pleasing.  As long as I liked the results and was proud of it, nothing else mattered.  In the end, even if I didn't get a good grade for them, I still keep them in my red binder, filled with all of my sketches, drabbles of stories, and those projects.  

Though this song is mostly criticizing how the struggle of students to become the best of the best is because society forces them to, I think it also applies to the loss of a creative environment.  I know a lot of teachers are working to recover this type of environment in their classrooms, but overall, the school system represses children.  Why is this even necessary?  The whole agenda is now based on completing a certain curriculum, trying to prepare a child for college, and then getting into college.  But what about after that?  I feel like more and more students don't know what they want to major in because during their high school career, all they did was cram more AP classes into their schedules.  They didn't explore the different ROP classes, the clubs, the electives.  They never found out their true passions, and so they never found the direction they wanted their lives to take.  

But it doesn't have to stay that way.  As long as more people realize that the way we teach the new generation is flawed, we can fix it.  We have to start teaching the students to question everything around them, and figure out how to make the world a better place.