Alien Huang-Forgetting How to Be Happy

The echoing of loneliness opens the door of a warm family home
The echoing of loneliness opens the door of a warm family home
There are some people who are optimistic and seem perpetually happy and confident.  I'm not one of those people.  In fact, a psychology test I took stated that I was a pessimistic introvert.  Not the best combination if you want to live happily and worry-free.  

What is a life full of happines

I use my strength to be reborn

I have no power to go back to my past

All that is left is my pride and determination that helps me carry on

Maybe its my task

That chases me, forcing me to give up on life

What the hell am I doing, freedom was never left to those who walked with their heads down

We all have forgotten how to be happy

The obstacles that caused us to suffer-our own lives

Perhaps you are too focused

And have lost this competition

Because life is only a journey that lasts a few decades

We have all forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Allowing ourselves to be complete

So don't be too unkind, letting your heart suffer

Enclosed in a lonely

Lonelier than the loneliest spirit

Ambiguous night devils saved a person

To go forward or backwards, a cute atmosphere

Maybe its my task

That chases me, forcing me to give up on life

What the hell am I doing, freedom was never left to those who walked with their heads down

We all have forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Let myself be complete

Don't be too harsh, let your heart be alone

Stuck in a lonely

My spirit is lonely as the most lonely

I'm no longer one person 

Deeming life as silly gives me a million possibilities

But I must admit happiness won't come by itself

You gave it to me

We all have forgotten how to be happy

The obstacles that caused us to suffer-our own lives

Perhaps you are too focused

And have lost this competition

Because life is only a journey that lasts a few decades

We have all forgotten how to be happy

Using our strength to love

Allowing ourselves to be complete

So don't be too unkind, letting your heart suffer

Enclosed in a lonely

Lonelier than the loneliest spirit

"For some of us, our main goal in life is happiness.  For some others, it's just to make the pain stop".-David Theriault

This quote really affected me, because I love to read depressing and gory stories--looking at the book titles I choose, it's pretty obvious: A Million Little Pieces, Don't Make Me Stop Now, The Year of Endless Sorrows, Like Being Killed, Go Ask Alice.....the list goes on and on.  (I'm not recommending any of these books here, just stating that I'm attracted to less-than-happy book titles).  

Sometimes I feel like there's no point in life, and it's just a waste of effort.  I'm not suicidal though, since there's no point in committing suicide unless you want people to cry...and I don't. Sometimes I wonder why God created the human race, since all we ever seem to do is ruin the world and dramatize everything else.  What is the larger purpose of us as a race?  Or as individuals?  

Linkin Park-Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertone)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know 
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Everyone has someone's expectations piled on them, be it a parent, a teacher, or themselves.  This is caused mostly by competition, peer pressure, and the struggle for a sense of belonging.  

For me, my sister was considered the genius in the family.  I remember how she was always playing games on the computer, but somehow always received A's in every single class she took.  And she took more AP classes than me (I'm taking five AP tests this year).  All of the parents knew her to be smart, polite, and overall a good girl with a rebellious younger sister.  Now, she's in UCSD for her fourth year, even though she could have graduated in three.  The only B she ever received was because she slept in and skipped classes too much.  

My mother says it'll be difficult to enter even UCSD with my grades.  Even though I know it's true, it still hurts.  It's not like I didn't put any effort into school (though I am somewhat of a gamer...)  I still study for tests and do my homework, but I haven't gotten straight A's since middle school.  My parents have basically given up on me, though they try to hide it by saying that there are plenty of colleges that will accept me based on my high SAT and AP scores.

Most people underestimate their own abilities. They tend to remember their failures more vividly than their successes, and for this reason they have unrealistically low expectations about what they are capable of. Those individuals who distinguish themselves through great accomplishments are usually no more talented than the average person: they simply set higher standards for themselves, since they have higher expectations about what they can do.

It reminds me of an essay prompt that I've been given before (the one posted below is different but similar enough): 

Assignment:

Do highly accomplished people achieve more than others mainly because they expect more of themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.


What do you think? Do high expectations allow people to soar higher and accomplish more, or is it a cause of a higher chance of depression?

Panic! At the Disco-This is Gospel

This is gospel for the fallen ones

Locked away in permanent slumber

Assembling their philosophies

From pieces of broken memories

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart [x2]

The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds

But they haven't seen the best of us yet

If you love me let me go

If you love me let me go

'Cause words are knives and often leave scars

The fear of falling apart

And truth be told, I never was yours

The fear, the fear of falling apart

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart [x2]

Don't try to sleep through the end of the world

Bury me alive

'Cause I won't give up without a fight

If you love me let me go

If you love me let me go

'Cause words are knives and often leave scars

The fear of falling apart

And truth be told, I never was yours

The fear, the fear of falling apart

Oh, the fear of falling apart

Oh, the fear, the fear of falling apart

[x4]

Oh (This is the beat of my heart)

The fear of falling apart

Panic! at the Disco is an American rock band that formed in 2004.  I  found out about them in 2008 with "I Write Sins Not Tragedies", released in 2006.  I still listen to Panic! after five years because they are that amazing.  

"This is Gospel" is part of the album titled Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!, which will be released this October (the music video of "This is Gospel" was released on August 12th).  So far, the songs "This is Gospel" and "Miss Jackson" have been released.  

Some may interpret these lyrics to be about Ryan Ross and Jon Walker leaving the band, while other fans argue that the song is about how P!ATD has grown throughout the years and changed their style of music.  I don’t agree with either of these views.  Ross and Walker both left in 2009, and the song was finally released in 2013. 

If you look at the album as a whole, their new record is very much about the virtues of vice, being a fault, defect, or shortcoming.  Brendon Urie has stated in an interview that “This is Gospel” is basically about “trying to break free from the burdens that sit on your shoulders that you feel weigh you down at times”.  Because of this, I think the lyrics are about the difference between conforming and not conforming.  “This is gospel for the fallen ones/Locked away in permanent slumber” would refer to the dead who were deprived of liberty. Gospel is the belief of something or absolute truth.  “Assembling their philosophies/from pieces and broken memories” would refer to how they took their examples from the past and questioned society.  Those victims had been silenced because they saw how the world was falling apart, and became part of the vicious cycle. 

The next phrase is “Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart”.  At this part the beat starts to go faster, imitating an excited heartbeat. “The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds” further supports my view that these people were considered “criminals” and were forced to hide in order to protect themselves.  However, they stayed firm in their beliefs and continued to pass knowledge on despite the obstacles.   And so, “they haven’t seen the best of us yet”. 

"If you love me let me go" refers to how a society should love their citizens and not want to let them die or be restrained.  “And truth be told I never was yours” exemplifies the strength of a single human mind refusing to be subdued and controlled. “The fear of falling apart” is one of the greatest fears known to human, and yet Urie wants his listeners to speak their minds and don’t conform to society.

“This is gospel for the vagabonds/ Never-do-wells and insufferable bastards” is again referring to those who were shunned because they caused trouble by not conforming.  An apostasy is a total desertion of or departure from ones' religion, principles, party, cause,
 etc. The lyrics “Confessing their apostasies” shows how they aren’t afraid to stand up for their beliefs, even if they are “led away by imperfect impostors”.  The word “impostors” symbolizes how the ones who captured the dissenters don’t know what they believe in, and just blindly follow the leader. 

“Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world/ Bury me alive/ ‘Cause I won’t give up without a fight” is Brendon Urie’s message to the people.  It shows the overall tone of the song: no matter what, be an individual.  Don’t be afraid to speak out, and don’t let your freedom of speech be taken away from you.    

P!ATD  is performing at the Hollywood Bowl along with Thirty Seconds to Mars on October 12th.  Get your tickets here http://bit.ly/MARSbowl13!!  If you can't make it then, you can find other tour dates and other information on their official website http:/www.panicatthedisco.com.